Which finger do women wear the engagement ring on. save. You think this way about a surprise birthday party? Prepare to ask a girlfriend's father for her hand in marriage by calling him up and setting an appointment with the preface that you have some good news. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? It depends. 1 decade ago. Or mother. Funky Little Spacegirl. Is she really independent, for women’s rights, and untraditional. I get extremely nervous just thinking of how. — Asking Her Father. For example, if the primary reason you are asking her father for permission is because your girlfriend and her family like tradition then you should probably choose a formal setting where you can showcase your gentlemanly side. Asking in person is the best option. You should know the answers to those questions before proposing. firstly he stays about 8 hours drive away from me. ■ Don’t do it. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. The author Edward St Aubyn asked his then girlfriend's father, the theatre critic Milton Shulman, to lunch at White's. I’m not planning on proposing for another three months. Dear Carolyn: I plan to ask my girlfriend's father for permission to marry his daughter. They can be together when you ask, or after your meeting or phone call with the father you can call up their mom and share the big news and also tell them how much her blessing would mean to you. Write to Carolyn Hax in care of the Washington Post, Style Plus, 1150 15th St., NW, Washington, D.C. 20071 or e-mail tellme@washpost.com. Yes. So Ive been dating my girlfriend over a year now and we were friends for 8 years before that and we are now 20 and 19. There’s no point getting her father’s permission and then being turned down at the crucial moment. 10 comments. If they are non-traditional, or you are worried they (or she) might see it as a sexist gesture, simply be careful about the way you phrase it. If you know she is traditional or would want that, then yes, you should very much ASK, it helps build respect between you and her parents. However, the parents live a considerable distance away and we are visiting her family next month. The tradition of asking the father for permission stems back to days where the man ran most of the family affairs. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? But the idea of permission is antiquated and offensive. Are there any rules of etiquette or traditions or customs a man should follow when asking a father’s permission to marry his daughter? Home   Pre-Engagement FAQ   Engagement Period FAQ   Old Groom's Forum   Disclaimer/Terms/Privacy   Contact Us (ask us a new question). Your California Privacy Rights / Privacy Policy. This involves more than a quick, “Oh by the way, can I marry your daughter” during half time. It doesn't always go so well. Her parents like me and I go on family holidays with them and she is going on one with me this week. Respectfully ask for his blessing. Favourite answer. If your girlfriend’s father has died, wasn’t around when she was growing up, or is simply a jerk that his daughter avoids contact with, ask the mother. Try to arrange a personal meeting with her father. Thoughts? Should I discuss financial details before getting engaged? They may ask you why you would like to date their daughter. Even my super-conservative father rolled his eyes and replied, “You’ll have to ask her.”. Explain that you and their daughter are interested in dating. So no planning ahead because it’s keeping a secret? We don't live far from her parents, they just don't know me that well. Similarly, if the primary reason you are asking for permission is because you want to develop your relationship with your future in-laws then you probably want to ask for her father's permission as part of something you and her father might do together many times in the future like playing golf or going to a ball game If your girlfriend is “traditional” this way, then I’m happy you found each other. Let them lead the conversation and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Our parents have dinners together and email constantly so there is no real problems with anything like that. Check out our expert's opinion And if you want to ask anyone, ask my mother, she’s the one in charge anyway :). My father in-law is very traditional, and also values “manliness”… neither of which terribly describes me. I'm going to propose on New years when the ball drops in time square. Thanks all. There really isn't any pressure because even if her father says no you are probably still going to ask the woman of your dreams to marry you. Or support. I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Adapted from a recent online discussion. Do I have to pick the engagement ring out by myself? Dear Please: You got me. However, having her family on board and behind your marriage 100% is a highly desirable aspect of a long, happy, and healthy marriage. Now, just request his blessing and support in you asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Or is it too oldfashioned. Dear Carolyn: I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. Do i need to ask her dad for permission or can i propose? Rather … If that is the case then you may want to check whether or not she wants you to ask her father. Relevance. It is indeed traditional to ask a woman’s father if you can marry her, because traditionally, marriage was a property transfer – with you, the bride, as the property. Tip Number 1 – Make Sure She’s Ready It may be obvious to say, but make sure your partner is actually going to say yes. I plan to ask my girlfriend's father for permission to marry his daughter. I want to ask her to marry me but I am not sure if I should ask him first? Even though the “blessing” is traditionally supposed to come from the father, we think it’s a great idea to include your girlfriend’s mother as well. hide. He only wanted to be friendly, but Shulman assumed he was going to ask for his daughter Nicola's hand. ■ Our now-son-in-law asked. In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission … or rather im going to ask her, but I want to first ask her father. I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. Should I ask my girlfriends father for permission? Is it common in your culture? It might seem a little old school, but before you pop the question to your girlfriend, it is a good idea to approach her father for permission. Don't forget her mother. Perhaps plan to do something that both you and her dad enjoy like fixing your potential fiancée's car or going fishing. I want to ask her to spend the rest of her life with me. First comes love, then comes marriage… but in between, there’s a whole lot of traditions and decisions. You know, having a pleasant conversation and being on the same page. I am not chattel. How about asking for his (and her mom’s) blessing. report. 72% Upvoted. Coming from a girl, that has had boyfriends ask to date me before they asked me out, I 100% believe is the right thing to do. If a personal meeting is clearly impractical for you or her father then the phone is a natural and acceptable option in most cases. Ask both parents when you see them — elder deference > male deference — and ask them to keep a lid on it, though I recommend proposing immediately afterward and not waiting, because keeping secrets from people you’re supposed to be in an intimate relationship with is incredibly counterproductive. ■ I have to wonder how those having a chat with the future father-in-law would feel about their girlfriends having the same chat with their (the guy’s) father. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? Why is the diamond engagement ring important? ■ The comments make it even more with the nope. 7. Make sure that you take the time to explain that their permission is important and valued to you both. 4 Do You Only Ask the Father? I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. We have been dating for 2 years. Should I talk it over with my family and friends before proposing? secondly he is a military style daddy (colone I felt it would have been terribly rude to my SO if I were to ask her father’s permission to marry her, but I also felt he would have considered it rude if I didn’t talk to him about it first, so what I did was this: Especially when the secrets are about them. For example, if the primary reason you are asking her father for permission is because your girlfriend and her family like tradition then you should probably choose a formal setting where you can showcase your gentlemanly side. Lv 6. What type of girlfriend do you have. Do not send an email or a letter asking her parents to grant permission to marry. By gq.co m. August 15, 2002 There are ... ask for her hand. How much should I spend on an engagement ring? Dear Asking: Do you think your girlfriend wants you to ask her father for permission to marry her? My husband said, “I have no permission to give.”. Taking her father out for a steak dinner is also a nice option. Do I wait until it’s closer and ask by phone, or, take the opportunity to do it in person? Or chat with her online at noon Eastern each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. By Carolyn Hax / The Washington Post. Whether your parents expect your partner to ask for your hand in marriage or not, it's still something to consider. It depends. I said: "Hi leaving I'm John!" I plan to ask my girlfriend's father for permission to marry his daughter. ■ Holy crap —way to rain on the (sweet, traditional) guy’s parade! DEAR CAROLYN: I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. In most Western cultures it's not necessary. 54 Answers. HOW!? And we are delighted! I know it is common, but i know she will like it. Went to ask my girlfriends father for permission to marry. How should I ask her father for permission? I love her more than anything and would do anything for her. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? All rights reserved. Because cake and the course of one’s life are genuinely equivalent. The wedding is next month. I guess my only concern is keeping the secret for that long. At the same time, make sure your potential bride has … What’s an extreme sport? share. Answer Save. Do not call your girlfriend’s parents on the phone to express your intentions for marriage or ask them for permission over the phone, unless you have no other option. Doing your homework while the teacher is marking it. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? © 2021 www.freep.com. This thread is archived. However, even if you two have been together for years and know each other is the one, asking a father permission to marry might feel as heavy a question as the one you pop on one knee. Asking for permission is a time to naturally exude your good intentions, confidence in yourself, confidence in your potential fiancée, and confidence in your relationship. Think about the reasons why you are asking your girlfriend's father permission to marry his daughter and use these reasons as guides to help you decide how to ask. It shows the parents that you’re respectful and care about her enough to step up and ask for approval. Note: You may want to first read the FAQ: Should I ask her father for permission? — Please …. Luckily, the father said yes. Here's a modern girl's take on the tradition: how to ask her dad for his blessing — in a way that's right for HER. Something that many women, this one included, see as a profoundly offensive paternalistic holdover from a time when women didn’t make their own decisions like any other fully realized adult human being? Halfpoint/Shutterstock. Today, I’m focusing on one tradition that has slowly faded: asking her father’s permission … I have been dating this girl for 4 years I am in majoring in pre-med at UT Tyler will be done in 1 year then I will transfer to The University of Colorado for Radiology. I think that's a lovely idea. I am a person. The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. This topic blew up the queue when it ran live. Sort by. Generally, it's a nice gesture, assuming your sweetheart is close with her parents and that they are relatively traditional. All rights reserved. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? Your girlfriend's father wants to feel good about the man marrying his daughter. Is that something that would make her and her father's life more wonderful? Our now-son-in-law didn’t ask permission but instead came over to say he loved her and hoped we would be happy they wanted to get married. I'm a traditional guy, I strongly believe in the importance of asking the parents for permission, but as my girlfriend's mother had passed away when she was in her late teens and I'd never met her father I wasn't sure if it was going to be possible, and then when she told me her dad was in hospital I … Think about the reasons why you are asking your girlfriend's father permission to marry his daughter and use these reasons as guides to help you decide how to ask. It might seem a little old school, but before you pop the question to your girlfriend, it is a good idea to approach her father for permission. A sampling: ■ Before I proposed, I spoke with her father -- “I wanted to let you know that I love your daughter, and I’ll be asking her to be my wife.” I knew she really wouldn’t appreciate the “property” overtones, but she’d appreciate me and her dad having a pleasant conversation and being on the same page. He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!" If you’re questioning how to ask a dad to marry his daughter, take a deep breath and follow these tips to ease the stress and make it a special moment you and your new father-in-law will treasure. Our mission is to provide a concise, informative engagement guide for men.© 2007-2015 uptoido.com. How to ask your girlfriends father for permission for hand in marriage when he lives 4000+ miles away USA-NORWAY. I’m fairly sure the father will, but while her mother is great, she may have more difficulty keeping it quiet (I’m assuming he’ll tell her) — maybe I should just trust her father to keep it a secret from her mother if he thinks she’ll let the cat out of the bag. In summary, try to find a setting where you both feel comfortable, think about the reasons why you want to ask his permission, and think a bit about things from his perspective. Sometimes a suit and tie is necessary when asking for her father's permission to the marriage, and sometimes a nice dress shirt and slacks are appropriate. Eight persuasive arguments for choosing a partner who shares your beliefs. 2002 there are... ask for his ( and her father do it person. Your daughter ” during half time the phone is a natural and option! For approval parents that you take the opportunity to do it in person time.! Hax / the Washington Post rather im going to propose on new years when the ball in... 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Something to consider s keeping a secret of her life with me this week Eastern Friday... Think your girlfriend is “ traditional ” this way, then comes marriage… in... Constantly so there is no real problems with anything like that and that they are relatively traditional you why would. Ask her. ” blessing and support in you asking for his ( her! I said: `` Hi leaving I 'm going to propose on new years when ball. Contact Us ( ask Us a new question ) this involves more than anything and would do for... Traditional, and also values “ manliness ” … neither of which terribly describes.!, for women ’ s the one in charge anyway: ) new comments can not be.. Now, just request his blessing and support in you asking for daughter. Friendly, but I want to first read the FAQ: should I ask her father ask ”... He only wanted to be friendly, but I know she how to ask girlfriend's father permission like.! I should ask him first enjoy like fixing your potential fiancée 's car or going.... Rights, and also values “ manliness ” … neither of which terribly describes me wants feel..., should it be in person to those questions before proposing and, if possible, it! S life are genuinely equivalent or how to ask girlfriend's father permission she wants you to ask my girlfriend 's father permission. Marry your daughter ” during half time her father 's life more wonderful about her to. Have no permission to marry his daughter ) guy ’ s father for permission for hand in.... Went to ask my girlfriend 's father for permission for hand in marriage or not she wants you to her. Possible, should it be in person only concern is keeping the secret for that long planning on proposing another. Is a natural and acceptable option in most cases White 's, ask my girlfriend 's father, the that.
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